mubarak wins a squeaker

Egyptian king I mean emperor I mean president Hosni Mubarak won a tight election last week, only attracting about 88% of the vote. A lawyer new to politics won the affection of 7% of the voters.

In a shock, about 5% of Egyptians voted for paleocon Patrick Buchanan. Experts blame this on the poor design of Egypt's so-called "camel ballot". Buchanan said through a spokesman that he believed most of these people actually intended to vote for Al Gore.