massive cover-up of impending doom in buenos aires

Sure, go ahead and read this Reuters bit about a bunch of Argentinean security guys getting sick off of lasagne while on the detail to guard el jefe, the de facto President of the United States of America, Afghanistan, and Bits of Iraq, George W. Bush, and snicker. That's what They want you think. In fact, they are covering up with this vaguely light-hearted story the fact that a deep and diabolical plot is well underway.

Even as I blog, tree-hugging philosophy majors and a contingent of out-of-work Slovakian hockey players, commanded by renegade KGB elements and at least one member of Modest Mouse are weaking the defenses around the Western Hemisphere Summit. They are preparing to snatch Bush and Venezuelan president and loony-bin Hugo Chavez and switch their minds, forcing the kidnapped South Korean clone doctors they have drugged and dragged to the pampas to perform the operation previously tested on bats and jars of kimchi (to approximate the intelligent of Bush and Chavez).

Yes, it sounds crazy. Surely they'll be found out, you say? It is true they are concerned about language -- with Chavez's mind in his body, people will be confused about the sudden improvement in President Bush's command of the English language. But neverthless, these leftist radicals are convinced that Chavez-in-Bush's body will be more malleable to their anti-globalization agenda, and will help them put a stop to the era of big oil and revive Jerry Garcia.

The fate of our civilization is in the balance tonight, and the media has covered it all up to feed us dreck about Charles & Camilla visiting Washington.